2008-12-03: Frustrating Device (secret lens)
It wasn't fun writing this comic; channelling the sort of mood Rabot was in is pretty unpleasant. Even in the bright tomorrow of today.
Sorry about the Helvetica explosion.
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Rabot: I can’t believe I forgot my wallet, I got all the way to the coffee shop and I didn’t even notice that I forgot it until I was paying for my order. The only reason I even left the house was to get coffee. No, I need to be honest with myself. I only left the house to chat with the cute barista. I have coffee at home, plenty of coffee and milk, but I like the company. Is that so weird and bad? To enjoy the company of someone who seems so genuinely happy to see you? I want to feel good about going outside, and talking to her, but I just feel more sick and worried now than I did before I left. But I thought I had my wallet, then, so I guess that makes some sense. Why did I forget it? Am I subconciously sabotaging myself? Do I really think I have so big a chance with her that I have to screw it up this early on? I remember when it used to be so easy to talk to people and just go... Rabot: So now I’m so timid I go out of my way to get coffee somewhere else even though I still have a perfectly good coffee machine of my own. Middle of the night and I know she’s still there because this other place is on the way so I looked in the window! Oh no am I talking to myself out loud again? People must think I’m a crazy person. I probably smell like I never go outside. Does that have a smell? I wouldn’t be able to tell. Maybe I’m drinking too much coffee. If I can cut back then I can make going out to her place a treat and it won’t be a routine I sabotage myself out of performing like everything else I try to get myself to do. Maybe when I get home I’ll make a list of the things I can change in my life to make it work better and I’ll put it on my desk so that I see it all the time and remember always to do those things. I have to make some room on my desk, then. Oh crap I probably already have a list like that sitting on my desk. Probably three or four and I’m never going to be able to get Rabot: Well there she is and it’s the middle of the day so she won’t assume that I’m some sort of stalker who comes in all the time because it’s completely plausible I’m just coming in on my lunch break and that makes sense even if I did tell her I work from home because if I work from home and set up a lunch schedule that means I’m really disciplined and a nice person and get things done. What if she doesn’t remember me? I spend a lot of time thinking about her and she almost certainly forgets about me the moment I walk away from the counter with my drink. I should go home. I need to go home I feel sick and I shouldn’t have left the house. I’m tired and I will probably have to sit on a bench in the park on the way home and what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I have to tear everything to pieces in my head? When did I start this horrible habit of telling myself stories about how completely pointless my life is? Didn’t I use to have friends? I would be able to call them up and talk to them and invite them out for fun and talking and I can’t even manage to reply to them on facebook when they try, every few months, to get back in touch with me. Was there ever a time I could just go up to people and start talking to them and be a normal friendly person? Was there ever a time in my life I felt any other way but like this? I can’t tell, I can’t tell and I need to go home I’m so tired and I can hardly stand up oh please don’t let me fall down not here no Rabot: Plugging in again. Is that all I do any more? The only thing I do that even remotely resembles life? I just sit at home and plug in over and over again because I can’t find the energy to do anything else. Maybe I’m depressed. Maybe this is a depression and this is what it is like and it would explain so much but so what? How am I supposed to do anything now to change it? It’s too late. I’m stuck in this hole that I dug for myself. I dug this hole for myself. If I had had more courage or willpower I wouldn’t have wasted all my potential. Maybe I’m depressed. Maybe this is depression. I wish I still had a friend I could talk to about this so they could help me and I could stop feeling like this all the time. But I don’t have any friends any more because I stopped talking to them so that I could ruin my life by making a hole to live in. Why isn’t my battery charging? I’m going to be sitting here forever. I’ll be here when they shut off the power to my house because I don’t have any way to pay the power bill and they’ll find me and they’ll say “Oh, a depressed robot. It’s always so sad when they end up like this and they didn’t have any friends so noone could help them. So sad.” and maybe one of the people I used to talk to will see an obituary for me and think “Didn’t I know a robot with that name? I haven’t talked to him in so long I should look him up.” but of course they forget to right away. Dr Quickly: You're not depressed! I installed a new self-reflection lens in you; it must be over-focused and draining your power too fast. I'll adjust it for you. <<CRACK>> Rabot: OW!
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