2009-11-20: Alien Eyes (plus shipping)
There was one thing in the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue what disturbed me greatly: a suede shirt. A leather shirt. I get leather jackets, sure. But leather shirts? And the gimmick, the Hammacher Schlemmer "This is the Best Shirt" line was: it was machine washable.
Oh, I spilled milk shake on my leather shirt time to put in the washing machine and then the dryer and what the hell is it going to SMELL LIKE when it comes out of the dryer?
Over the weekend why not vote at top web comics to see 48 of the "Rejected Panels" that used to run on the site! Maybe they make a story all lined up like that? Probably not.
This comic is in the storyline:
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Rabid: Hey cool, an unsolicited mail-order catalogue! [[ The catalogue is HOLIDAY 2009 HORRIBLE GIFTS which suggests "GREAT VALUES FOR THE HOLIDAYS" ]] [[ The Light-Up Slippers and Flask: Just step into our plush slippers and powerful built-in LED footlights light your way in the dark! Perfect for night time trips to the back porch to take a soothing sip from the flask concealed in the toe. Batteries included. Made of polyester faux suede and lined with synthetic fleece for a contemporary look. Holds 2.5oz per slipper. Specify size. FV-77966 $44.95 ]] [[ The Aromatherapy Stained Glass Paper Bag Night Light: This luminous portrait of a slightly damp paper lunch bag makes a thoughtful gift for any hungry person. Handmade nightlight may vary slightly in color. UL-listed; on/off switch. Standard 120V nightlight bulb. 5" tall. Features a compartment for aromatherapy capsules that gradually fill a room with soothing scent while the light is on. Comes with one of each available capsule. FV-71838 $39.95 Replacement capsules, in 12-packs. Available capsules: Bologna sandwich left on the radiator; Did the cat make that smell; I think the neighbours are cooking; Is this an entire chicken leg in the couch cushions; Jasmine FV-71839 $9.99 ]] [[ The Video Camera Belt Buckle: This is the belt buckle that has a built-in video camera, capturing recreational visits to public bathrooms with the press of a button. Up to 2.5 hours of video can be captured and stored in the pen's integrated 4 GB memory as an AVI file. Features sophisticated face and gaze detection algorithms to track who is checking out your package, and for how long. FF-77779 $129.95 ]] [[ The Food Preserving Storage Chamber: This container automatically creates an enclosed space when you close its lid, preserving the freshness, flavor, and nutrients of food. To access food, simply lift the lid. Plugs into AC or uses four D batteries (not included). Can be used for file storage as well. FF-77889 $69.95 ]] [[ The Alien Eyes: These eyes harvested from real aliens, unlike lesser eyes, focus significantly faster and make a bold fashion statement. Features include male gaze and demeaning objectification. Available: aqua, green (not pictured: hazel, blue) FV-76863 $299.99 ]] [[ The Perplexing Puzzle Chest: This is one wooden puzzle box you will treasure forever. Reminiscent of an old pirate chest, it can be opened by soaking overnight in solvent. Exquisitely crafted of maple and walnut woods. Wood glue included for reassembly. FV-77815 $39.99 ]] [[ The Personalized Windchime: Create your own unique windchime with the name of your ex. Makes an amazingly irritating sound when even the slightest breeze passes by. Hand made of cobalt glass. Maximum 12 letters per chime. Each letter and topper sold separately. Assembly required. Specify Letter(s). 3" long; monifilament included. Each letter: FV-73812 $6.99 Topper, 4" diam. FV-75771 $10.00 ]] [[ Dr Quickly, Rabish, and Noel have Alien Eyes in various colours. ]] Dr Quickly: Ha ha whee! Rabish: Best winter gift exchange ever!
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© 2016 Nick Wolfe firstname.lastname@example.org
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